Why do I only remember I need new wiper blades when it's raining?
Monday, December 10, 2012
Friday, December 07, 2012
Another New Frontier
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| Full-length X-ray image of Dayton C. Miller. |
I wish I'd fainted in a more glamorous and decorous situation than in the middle of a mammogram and on a tile floor, but there you are. No, I did not eat beforehand, yes, I was perhaps a bit nervous because it was a follow-up screening* and I had some other worries on my mind, and yes, I knew that I was prone to such behavior, though I've never actually fainted before.
Everyone was as nice as could be, and the silver lining was the fact that it happened where it did, so they made the CT scan and x-rayed my elbow on the spot without sending me to the emergency room. They also pushed me from room to room in a wheelchair, which was perhaps excessive, but I'm sure they were all holding their breath until I left the premises without further incident.
*I'm going back in another six months for another screening. It's unlikely anything of concern. I may ask to sit down for the next one, as a preventative measure!
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image: Miller, E. E. (1896). Full-length X-ray image of Dayton C. Miller. Dayton C. Miller Photograph Collection. Available from American Memory at http://memory.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/h?ammem/dcm:@field%28DOCID+@lit%28dcm001748%29%29
Thursday, December 06, 2012
On the Frontier
For the past six months at church I was a counselor in the stake Primary presidency, which meant visiting different wards 2-3 times a month to train and observe their Primary organization. I missed the children in my ward, but I loved the women I worked with and I enjoyed meeting the children and leaders in other wards. In November, the church created a stake in my town, and I assumed (based on things that were said to me) I would have the same calling in the new stake (all four of us from the former presidency are in the new stake).
Well, that isn't the case. The other three women were reinstated, and I'm now the adult Sunday School teacher in my ward (Gospel Doctrine).
Yes, after years of teaching teenagers and children, not a person under 25 is in sight anywhere. I'm happy for the opportunity to study the scriptures, but very nervous about teaching adults. With the exception of about four months of teaching Gospel Doctrine a few years ago, I've taught children and teenagers for the past eight or nine years.
The past Sunday was my debut, and it was rocky. I prepared extensively for the lesson, but started late because I was nervous and spent far too much time on the introduction to the lesson. The former teacher was excellent (and in the room), which just increased my anxiety. I'm hoping for a better experience this week.
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Holiday Eating Tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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